Toyota Announces the First Pre-Crashed Car for 2019

Denver, Colorado – Last month, it was announced at CES 2018 that the first self-driving car would be out soon. Today, Toyota has unveiled its first pre-crashed car.

“We had been scratching our heads to stay competitive”, Marcel Toyota, the company’s CEO, says. “Everybody was racing to build the first self driving. Or a flying car. We wanted to be different. We analyzed what people were into these days. Using their phone while driving came first. That’s why we thought about building pre-crashed cars. For those who just can’t help being a danger to everyone else on the road”.

Sold with a damaged car body, missing parts and a broken windshield, the pre-crashed car doesn’t actually work.

“It is the perfect car for people addicted to their phone”, Marcel continues. “You can text, snapchat, tweet or whateverthenexthotshitis while sitting behind the wheel. For an extra fee, a team of experts can break your bones or spine, disfigure you or make you lose one eye. Just like you would if you crashed your car for real. For those who want the full experience, we sell a VIP pack that includes killing your passengers, if you are ready to pay a lot. The golden VIP edition, which will only be sold to 200 exclusive clients, will include a prison sentence and your life ruined forever. All this without putting anybody at risk!”.