Tulsa, Oklahoma – An unnamed FBI agent who shot and killed kidnapping victim Robert S. last week during a rescue operation has been praised by his superiors for managing not to kill 5 other people who were in the house at the time.
“The agent successfully did not kill the 5 kidnappers”, his chief said during a press conference this morning. “Of course, he killed the victim… That sucks. But we have decided to follow a gentle discipline based on positive reinforcement with our agents this year. There’s no place for negativity or judgement, we want to see the glass half full. Or should I say 5/6th full in this case!”
The agent, who prefers to stay anonymous, has expressed his gratitude but swears he is no hero and it could have been anyone else at his place.
“Seriously, it was all an accident”, the agents explains. “After I entered the home, I realised that I had a decision to make. I saw 5 people eating at a table and one attached to a chair. It was going so fast, I went and shoot the man attached on the chair. It seemed like the obvious choice. I tripped before I could shoot at the people at the table. But thanks for your praises anyway”.