Forsyth, Illinois – Noodle Soup, the soccer mom llama, needs to talk to you. She really wants you to know that she is not mad at you, just disappointed.
“Your life is a mess, it is going nowhere”, Noodle Soup says. “Of course, I am disappointed. Obviously, it’s January, everybody needs time to recover from the end of last year. But you have been a loser for so long now. Since you got out of college, if I am being honest. There is only so many excuses you can find. It’s time to face the truth. You are lazy and you suck at adulting”.
Even though Noodle Soup the soccer mom Llama gives you some though love, she insists she isn’t mad.
“Well, why would I be mad? It’s your life that you are wasting, not mine”, Noodle Soup continues. “I am just giving you constructive criticism to help you improve your life. You can’t keep on spending your weekends alone watching Netflix in bed in your dirty underwear and your weeks in an underpaid job that you hate. I just wished you would decide to get your life back on track. Give me a reason to be proud of what you do. Even though I am already proud of who you are. Kinda”.