Washington – Freedom of Religion and Freedom of the Press have announced today that their fellow Amendment 1, Freedom of Speech, had committed suicide this morning, at the age of 226.
“We are heartbroken to hear this”, Freedom of Press says. “It has been a hard few years for the three of us. I feel strangled a bit more every day. Freedom of Religion feels threatened everywhere it goes… But it is nothing compared to the guilt Freedom of Speech was feeling. Racists, idiots, misogynists, white supremacists, Westboro Baptist Church… They all say the most outrageous, ignorant and stupid things. Then, they blame it on Freedom of Speech. The burden would be too heavy to carry for anyone”
In a note it left, the desperate amendment cites Donald Trump’s tweet as the final straw that led to its terrible decision.
“Reading Donald Trump writing that he was a genius and knowing that there was nothing Freedom of Speech could do to stop him… It pushed it over the edge”, Freedom of Religion says. “It is really devastating. We will never forget it, its laugh or what it was really standing for before a bunch of idiots used it as an excuse to say everything they want without caring about the consequences and made everybody risk losing Freedom of Speech. RIP Buddy, I’ll never forget you”.