Nobody Didn’t Not Commit No Fraud in Alabama Senate Election

Montgomery, Alabama – Alabama’s latest Senate election has been stained by scandal. Indeed, Roy Moore, the losing Republican candidate, claims that the his opponent’s victory was due to fraudulent votes. Alabama officials have once again insisted to make it clear that they had checked thoroughly to find out if any fraud had messed with the results of the election.

“There definitely was nobody who didn’t not commit no fraud at any point during this or any election in Alabama”, one of the officials said during a press conference this morning. “I can assure everybody with any non uncertainty that Doug Jones absolutely didn’t not lose at all. I would go as far as to swear on my completely not undead dog that we haven’t not done everything in our power to make sure of it”.

The slightly confusing message left the room confused. It didn’t seem to change people’s mind on the matter though, irregardless of what it was trying to say.

“I never understand anything in politics anyway” Fiona Raggertodd, an Alabama voter, says. “I guess one thing I am sure is that he meant what he said… Whatever it is that he was actually trying to say. I ‘m still very confused, I have no idea who really won the election or if there was a fraud. Oh well”.