Another year, another day of Shame for America. This year, experts are fearing that Black Friday will have a lasting effect on the Faith in Humanity Index.
The scale goes from 10 (Make love not war, Human Kind is beautiful) to 1 (Let’s detonate all the Nuclear Bomb at once and get over it, Human Kind is the worst). It has been created in 1802 to measure the median level of hope in Human Kind’s ability to be good.
“The Faith in Humanity Index has been low for a while now. It has been under 5 since 2003”, Hugo Frampgton, reasearcher at the Faith in Humanity Institute, explains. “It is now expected to drop to level 3 (Let’s not even try to stop global warming, Human Kind is not worth it) because of another Black Friday full of idiots behaving pathetically for the opportunity to pay too much for crap they don’t need”.
The prediction comes after many reports of people outstupiding themselves this year. In Florida, a woman has been seen climbing on 5 five children piled on top of each other to grab a selfie stick.
“We are not sure if people are getting worse or if it is just broadcasted most widely and faster because of Internet”, Hugo says. “What we can say for sure is that the index is at his lowest ever. Lower than it was in 1946. We are begging America to cancel Black Friday. We don’t think humanity will survive the trauma to have to witness it for another year”.