Petition Demands Post 2005 Johnny Depp’s Cancellation

Iris Thomston, 37, has been a fan of Johnny Depp since 1990, when she first saw him, in Edward Scissorshands.

“I was 10 years old and I fell in love with him instantly”, Iris says. “My teenage years are mostly made of memories around Johnny. He was everything I wanted in a man. Handsome, rebel, intelligent, shy. There was nothing to be changed about him”.

Despite that teenage love, Iris is one of the 250 000 people who have signed the online petition demanding post 2005 Johnny Depp to be cancelled.

“The world doesn’t deserve post 2005 Johnny Depp”, Iris continues. “We obviously don’t want him to die. Just to be cancelled. And maybe replaced by a puppy in every movie he made? It might be me who have matured, it might be him who has stopped being awesome sometimes in 2005. We’ll never know. It doesn’t really matter. We just want the the problem to fixed”.

Alyssa Gaxis, 40, agrees with Iris. The accountant lives in Boston and needs a way to escape her life.

“I want to think about Johnny Depp and go back down memory lane. I expect to feel young, fresh, full of dreams and hopes. Instead of that, I am being violently brought back to my reality. I don’t need this. Nobody does. Please, have mercy on us and cancel post 2005 Johnny Depp. Bring the dream back”, Alyssa says.