“Someone Fought For My Right to Impose My Will on Others”, Says Poppy Police Bully

Every year, from November 1st, John Ballham makes a point to lecture everyone who doesn’t wear a Poppy.

“It used to be only one day a year but I managed to bully people enough to make everyone wear the Poppy for one whole month. I am really proud of my achievement. I make sure anyone who doesn’t wear a Poppy in November feels like they are murdering baby soldiers with their rebellious act. On Armistice day, I allow myself to insult people if they don’t have a visible Poppy”.

John, who has been arrested twice already for trying to forcefully pin a flower on someone’s coat, refuses to let people decide for themselves what they want to do.

“It doesn’t matter what wearing the Poppy means, it is about your ability to do like everyone else without asking questions”, John says. “The same way grieving is now a Social Media competition, we judge people on how many Poppies they wear, and for how long. Not on how much they know about it”.

From December 1st, John will have to find another cause to shove down other people’s throat.

“I will force people to have a Christmas tree. Jesus died for your right to have one”, John explains.