Man Talking Like Online NEWS HEADLINES Drives Friends Crazy

Des Moines, Iowa – Jared Pasdert, 34, has recently been making the news headlines for deciding to talk like one! The graphic designer, who has always loved being looked at, is starting to get on his entourage’s nerves.

“He has always done everything he could to be the centre of attention”, his girlfriend Joanna says. “It was a bit tiring growing up but also entertaining so his family forgave him”.

His main way to be original was to dress like a 19th century bearded circus man but after it became hipster’s preferred outfit too, he had to find a new way to get attention.

“Since last February, he has started to speak like an online news headline. He will randomly scream one of the word in his sentence, for no reason. It startles everyone, we hate it. We get so many bad looks because of it, nobody wants to go out with us. I miss our old social life”.

Even though he has alienated all of his friends and family, Jared doesn’t plan to stop talking like that.

“I don’t see why people would complain that I yell ONE word from time to time. It is a nice way to EMPHASIZE what I am saying and it makes me SPECIAL. I have NO INTENTION to stop”, Jared says.

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