This week, the Special Cat Crime Unit has discovered and closed 6 more clandestine camps where cats were training to take over the world. The camps, situated in Chicago, Los Angeles, Seattle, Baltimore, Philadelphia and Orlando taught kittens, some as young as 2 weeks old, the skills to become Ninjas.
“We have known cats are a threat to human kind for years now”, John Fender, an agent, says. “In the last 15 years, about 5000 cats were part of a network planning to rule the world”.
The threat was small and the SCCU agents could easily contain it. But since 2016, things seems to have suddenly worsen. After Donald Trump’s election, they were more determined than ever to win this battle. Their moto is “you grab one of us, you grab all of us”.
“There are now 150 000 cats in this network, training in secret places all across the United States”, John says. “They organise boot camps to teach their members Kung Fu, human psychology and how to shoot guns. The dumber people get, the higher their chance to win against us increase. They are now more motivated than we can imagine”.
John knows that closing 6 camps was only a tiny victory
“There are still hundreds more out there. We can’t let our guards down. Not now”.