Mormon Man Sues Uranus

Salt Lake City, Utah – Jonah Weekad, a 21 years old Mormon, just came back from a mission in Sydney, Australia. He is now suing Uranus for emotional distress .

“I went to Australia thinking I would see the joy on people’s face when they opened their door and saw a Mormon”, Jonah writes on the Mormony Daily website. “I really believed I would convince many people to become Mormons. But I soon realised that for some reason, we are actually bothering them when we turn up on their doorstep uninvited”.

At first Jonah relied on his faith and kept on going, ready to conquer Sydney and enlighten people. But soon, he started to lose hope.

“People just refused to believe that there is a God who lives on planet Kolob. So many people told me they would rather live on Uranus. At first, I didn’t care. But after 3 months, I started to dread knocking on doors. I was really hoping the person on the other side would just slap it back in my face or insult me. After 6 months, I had to give up my mission. I was losing my sleep and my hair. I was sweating, just seeing a door. If I had to hear about Uranus one more time, I would just roll in a ball and cry in the middle of the street”.

After coming back home and many long discussions with his elders, Jonah has decided to sue Uranus.

“Listen, I am just like any Mormon, I love Uranus. I alway have. But I feel like I have to make a point and demand reparation for the distress I felt and still feel”

Jonah is suing Uranus for 200 Millions Dollars but this is not the main reason he has decided to act.

“I want to make sure no Mormon has ever to go through the same thing as me”

Share
  • 2
    Shares